Posted by: God Hates Triffids | August 27, 2009

SCIENTIFIC STUDY FINDS FID GENE

(Little Rock, AR)

There may be a reason Fids seem to be popping up everywhere these days. When asked why they chose to be a Fid almost everyone of the triffid Sympathizers replied with a resounding “I was born this way.”

Prior to a recent study we simply had to take their word for it and condemn them openly via marches and demonstrations. What kind of God would make someone WANT to take sides with a killer plant which by definition is an abomination.

“We can admit when we are wrong,” said Thomas Parrish of the local Little Rock, Arkansas chapter of G.H.T. “This isn’t one of those times though. It is our firm beliefe that God did not make Fids, that they are spawn of Satan.”

A recent scientific breakthrough uncovered a dormant genetic marker passed on from the maternal side. Females are the carrier, if perchance they couple with a male who received the mark from his mother, then the gene becomes dominant and a new Fid is born.

Doctor Gerald Ng, lead scientist on the project and a member of the Anti-triffid movement discovered the gene. “We found the marker and knew immediately that it is the mark of the beast. The gene is located in the cerebral cortex at .666 centimeters from the frontal lobe. We are calling the gene a Fidichlorian.”

Mothers need not worry though, a screening has been established to determine if your child will be a Fid. If it is determined that an expectant mother is carrying a Triffid Sympathizer the government can provide counselling and alternative-to-life options.

Being a Fid Sucks So Suck the Fid Out of You!

Being a Fid Sucks So Suck the Fid Out of You!

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Responses

  1. I’m always amazed at how God has made it so clear what things are evil. .666 cm? Think that’s a coincidence? He wanted us to know for sure.

  2. We agree James. (Nice biblical name btw)

  3. ~Mothers need not worry though, a screening has been established to determine if your child will be a Fid. If it is determined that an expectant mother is carrying a Triffid Sympathizer the government can provide counselling and alternative-to-life options.~

    Death Panels must be established and utilized against Fid Sympothizers

    • Sarah:
      So glad you chimed in on this cause. We appreciate your support in the Anti-Triffid movement. without your keen insight and professional speaking ability we would not be where we are today. God bless you Mrs. Palin as he blessed America by putting you here. Good luck on the campaign trail, you have the full support of Triffids Must Die.

  4. I was for death panels all along especially when it comes to those dirty, liberal, triffid lovers. I believe, as my friend Ann Coulter does, that they should be sent to re-education camps and if that doesn’t work then we should eliminate them. Humanely of course.

  5. Suck the Fid out of you?
    How low will you people sink?

  6. I’m glad people are doing research into this… I hope one day they’ll be able to isolate the gay gene aswell… Till then I won’t be having any kids.

    • Between the homosexual and fid gene it is a risky time to consider being with child. At least the government is offering “Alternative to Life” options for fid fetuses “Fiduses” if you will.

      It is our sincere hope that there is never a hybrid homo/fid born. As far as we can tell the two are mutually exclusive and do not co-exists in one being.


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