Posted by: God Hates Triffids | August 27, 2009

Interview With A Triffidite

We recently had the opportunity to sit down and talk with a leader in the pro-triffid movement. She requested that her name not be revealed to protect her from aggressive triffid haters (as if any of these exist).

She agreed to speak openly about her past and future as a Fid and we think her answers will shock you.

A known leader in the Fid movement takes a break during our interview

A known leader in the Fid movement takes a break during our interview

Interview with a Triffidite:

We had the chance to sit down with one of the Triffid Sympathizers who spoke openly about her beliefs and where she sees the movement headed.  We present to you this unprecedented interview completely unedited.

GHT: Thank you for sitting down with us. So you are a professed Triffidite?

Fid: (Mumbles incoherently, drools uncontrollably)

GHT: Are you drunk right now? It is a fact that 100% of Fids are raging alcoholics and transvestites. Are you a transvestite ma’am? …or is it really “sir”?

Fid: (Laughs hysterically then passes out)

GHT:  (Ten minutes later after the fid regains consciousness) When did you decide to be a Fid?

Fid: It’s not a birth…I was choiced this way….hahahahahah…(face becomes very serious) I made a doodie.

GHT: The fids, yourself being one, admit openly that they steal from the elderly, lead an active swinger lifestyle and bet on the special Olympics. How do you justify that on top of such a heinous and godless existence you openly support the keeping and raising of dangerous plants.

Fid: I….I….(looks around nervously)…can I score some meth?

GHT: Another sad fact, all fids are meth addicts.  What do you feel when you look at your plants and know that they resulted in the deaths of many innocent people. What goes through your head?

Fid: Um…space…

GHT: Did you just say sp…

Fid: …The final frontier, these are the voyages of the starpise entership! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

GHT: Are you legally retarded?

Fid: (wrings hands manically) Maybe

GHT: Are all Fids?

Fid: What’s a f…

GHT: And this interview is over. I think we have proven our point.

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Responses

  1. *snerk* Hahahahahahaha Did you even read your lame-assed interview? She doesn’t even know what a triffid is, much less what day it is.

    Lame, very lame.

    • Read it? We conducted it. She knows what a triffid is, you can’t prove otherwise.

  2. FIRST!

  3. Also:

    Wow, that’s scary. It makes me really sad to think that these people exist… and worse still that the media is popularizing the lifestyle and more and more people are actively choosing to be Fids.

    From what I’ve read, back during the initial outbreak, people didn’t talk about Fids… they’d just take care of the problem quietly (with a bat). I can’t believe we’ve forgot our moral standards and we’re becoming more accustomed to this kind of travesty.

    I pray that we can hold fast to what’s left of our beliefs and that the rapture will happen before the whole world turns into a Fid supporter.

    But I guess I’m focusing on the wrong thing. If we would just get rid of Triffids… there would be no more Fids…

    • You are right James. things were so much simpler then. Now we have Fids and homosexuals walking freely in the streets when they should be locked up.

      Things were much simpler then. back then you could burn a homo or bat a Fid upside the head and no one asked any questions. It was always “They fell asleep smoking” or “He fell and hit his head on a baseball bat…repeatedly.”

      But we are a more polite society now and we belive in medicate and educate. Though, to be honest, Fids are notoriously violent just as the plants they adore.

  4. If this chick is a leader in the movement just imagine the what the midless followers are like. Every Fid I havemet looks and acts just like this. Ever since I was a wee lad I knew Triffids were horrible. My grandpappy used to tell me horrifying truths about these plants.

    To this day when my kids are misbehaving I tell them “The Triffids will get you, they eat bad boys and girls.” They are terrified of these things and have never set eyes on them. If congress does their job as they always do we will win and Triffids will never again be allowed to see the light of day.

    Keep up the great work, you have a lot of fans here in Alabama.

    • The sad reality is Triffids do eat bad kids… and good kids… and unborn babies.

      I wish they were more like Santa Clause and only focused their hate on naughty children… but really, noone is safe.

  5. You and your cause are so pitifull that you have to fabricate an interiew…this just illustrates how truly sad all of you Triffid haters are.

    • It was a real interview Cobalt. We have nothing to gain by fabricating. The facts speak for themselves and unlike you fids we can deliver those facts calmly, tempers in check and not resort to profanity.

      As a Christian organization we speak on behalf of Christ. We know his will and it shall be done. Total eradication of homosexuals!

      • Oops…hehehe. We meant Triffids. Sorry, got our causes mixed up.

      • Um… you know there is an edit button?

  6. [As a Christian organization we speak on behalf of Christ. We know his will and it shall be done. Total eradication of homosexuals!]

    I reject your reality and substitute it with Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat is kind and forgiving where you, sir, are not.

    For shame


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